Positivity

I lost my temper again last night. I think I have some serious anger issues, probably genetic. My dad hurt my mom physically and she hurt him back emotionally. And I think I've got more of the emotional abuse than the physical. I love T, i really do. It's just that he irritates me so badly sometimes. Why is that?

If one of my friends did the same thing he was doing i would just let it go immediately. But with him I expect so much more. So much that even he can't keep up with them. 'The problem is not with him, but with me. I need drama in my life. If there isn't any I create it. But I need to cut back on all that right away. I hurt him so much that eventually he's going to be too hurt to recover. I dont want to keep hurting him and breaking his sprit little by little.

And it all starts with the negative thinking. Like right now Im thinking that T's parents hate me...And i'm eventually going to manifest that into reality cuz Im thinking too much. I just have to let it go and not dwell on thoughts like that. I need to build up my confidence through positivity.

Thank you

God always gives me what I pray for, eventually. Last week I was feeling so low I began to understand why some people consider suicide. This week I feel happy and content in my situation. True, many things in my life are not normal. I don't have such a close relationship with my brothers that they call me everyday, I've even fallen out with one of my brothers so badly that I barely speak to him. There are many odd things about my life once I look closely. But the important thing I realized is that there is no such thing as "normal". There's only "is", as in "this is it". This is MY life. Nobody else has the exact same life as I do, and nobody else will get to experience the same thrills, joys, tears and delights as I do. Nor will i get to experience someone elses. But essentially, we go through similar experiences and that's what makes us relate to each other.

I just want to thank God for everything he helps me with. I want to thank him for life. He gives meaning to what I do, because there are times when I have wondered what's the point in everything I do. But now I can only take delight in it because I know im headed somewhere that God wants me to be headed in. That direction can only be good because he knows exactly where I need to be. So I trust him, I will wait on him, I will devote my life to him, hand everything over, and wait for him to do what he will with me. I pray that he turns me into his image to do whatever he will with me. Thank you God, for everything.