Waiting

Its 12.54 am. There's 6 minutes left in my shift, need to wait 6 minutes until i can clock out, go downstairs and snuggle up in bed. Except tommy won't be in my bed, he won't hold me like he has done many nights. The comfort and reassurance i got from having him there is gone. Everything's changing now. It's not only that tommy isn't there to hold me now, it's the fact that i'm not even sure I want him to hold me given the opportunity. Yes, sure, it feels great to have someone to hold me. But looking back on my past blogs i can see that i was doubting this relationship from the start. And you know what else I was questioning? My crush on jeffrey. Sure, i thought i was in love with him at the time, and i most likely was. I loved him in whatever way i knew how, but it turned out to be a bust...a bogus "relationship". And the same is true of tommy...not the bogus part because i loved him as best i could, and in that process learned to love better than i could before. For that i'm eternally grateful to him. But is he the one? I really don't think so. God, speaking in my heart, told me that he wasn't. He promised me that I would find my right companion...and I'm just going to have to wait on him.

"They that wait upon the lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."

Teach me lord, teach me lord, to wait.