The Ideal Life

So I've been engaging in a lot of nostalgia in the past few weeks, and it inevitably led me to that fundamental question...what is the meaning of life? Everything in my life had changed from year to year, or within a span of few years. There were good times and there were even better times, and the worst of times seemed to last twice as long. Ultimately though, what is the purpose of all this? I study, I try to work hard, engage in activities instead of wasting away in my room, try to improve myself in confidence and grace....to what purpose?

Well, as I was trying to avoid finishing practical 1 of my medical biochemistry reports, I realized that the answer can be found in the life of Jesus. He was undoubtedly, the single most influential person that ever lived and died. His life, albeit being half of today's normal life span, embodied everything that was good and worthy. He was pure, he was dynamic, he was beautiful. And that's how I want my life to be. That is what I strive for. Whatever he did, and the principles hedisplayed in his life....that was how life was meant to be lived. God created the earth and man, he gave us a user's manual (the bible), and because we're so incredibly dense, he also sent us a living example to drive the point home. How can we not get it yet? Jesus lived the ultimate life, and he is supposed to be our ultimate example of how we should live ideally: by serving, by loving, by shining, by sharing, by humbling ourselves, and many many more.

The end of my Tantrums

I did something totally out of character today. I started to feel a little depressed and lonely and I just put on my coat and went out the door and to the library. Last year the same feeling would've resulted in endless wallowing until tommy came home to rescue me from my misery, at which point I would project my restlessness onto him and hound him to go out to eat or something. But today I quietly went to the library and actually got some work done. Tommy picked me up in the end, but I patiently waited till he came for me instead of throwing a fit.

Although things are very different this year and all my friends are gone, I feel that this is good for me. The loneliness I felt in the beginning is something that everyone will feel at some point. I need to accept that I'm no exception, and that feeling lonely doesn't make me a loser. I don't need to live it up to be someone else's ideal of having a good time. My ideal good time is now being with family, playing with my nephews, having a good meal and conversation with close friends. I still want to party from time to time, but I feel that partying every weekend never did anyone any good anyway. I'm just really proud that I'm learning to deal with emotional situations like this in a more mature way. I'm starting to be self-reliant for my own amusement, instead of on others. The past two years I've behaved terribly. I've been selfish and thrown many tantrums to get my way...i've isolated my friends and treated them badly, and I've even backstabbed a few friends. I'm lucky to still have those friends, and I vow to never take friendships lightly...they are very important to you.

Even though I don't that many friends near me at the moment, I will use whatever free time I have this year to improve myself and become a better person. I will read the bible, become a better Christian and live God's way. I will also be more outgoing in front of strangers, and be more productive. I won't moan and groan about my current predicament and wait eagerly for it to end...those days are gone! I am so lucky that God has chosen to bless me with everything I have: family, friends, a real chance at making something of myself, a course that I enjoy, and a future. Please God, help me to achieve my goals, and to never throw tantrums like I did last year.