The end of my Tantrums

I did something totally out of character today. I started to feel a little depressed and lonely and I just put on my coat and went out the door and to the library. Last year the same feeling would've resulted in endless wallowing until tommy came home to rescue me from my misery, at which point I would project my restlessness onto him and hound him to go out to eat or something. But today I quietly went to the library and actually got some work done. Tommy picked me up in the end, but I patiently waited till he came for me instead of throwing a fit.

Although things are very different this year and all my friends are gone, I feel that this is good for me. The loneliness I felt in the beginning is something that everyone will feel at some point. I need to accept that I'm no exception, and that feeling lonely doesn't make me a loser. I don't need to live it up to be someone else's ideal of having a good time. My ideal good time is now being with family, playing with my nephews, having a good meal and conversation with close friends. I still want to party from time to time, but I feel that partying every weekend never did anyone any good anyway. I'm just really proud that I'm learning to deal with emotional situations like this in a more mature way. I'm starting to be self-reliant for my own amusement, instead of on others. The past two years I've behaved terribly. I've been selfish and thrown many tantrums to get my way...i've isolated my friends and treated them badly, and I've even backstabbed a few friends. I'm lucky to still have those friends, and I vow to never take friendships lightly...they are very important to you.

Even though I don't that many friends near me at the moment, I will use whatever free time I have this year to improve myself and become a better person. I will read the bible, become a better Christian and live God's way. I will also be more outgoing in front of strangers, and be more productive. I won't moan and groan about my current predicament and wait eagerly for it to end...those days are gone! I am so lucky that God has chosen to bless me with everything I have: family, friends, a real chance at making something of myself, a course that I enjoy, and a future. Please God, help me to achieve my goals, and to never throw tantrums like I did last year.